Taps on My Shoulder — Writing My World

It was the Friday before Thanksgiving, normally I would be shopping or baking in preparation for the feast the following week. Yet like so many days this year, I found myself where I would rather not be…at the endodontist’s office getting a root canal. I was bracing myself for the first shot of novocaine. The first shot is always the worst so I appreciated the dental assistant’s presence. However, I was surprised when she started tapping my shoulder. It wasn’t a “there-there” tap of consolation, but a steady rhythmic tap. An insistent tap that reminded me of my days as an elementary school teacher. “Pay attention to me,” it said. Suddenly, I realized that she was purposely drawing my attention away from the impending injection. It worked! As my mind focused on her tapping, suddenly the first shot was over.

A few days later, I was reminded again of her helpful tapping. A dear friend posted on social media that she felt “God had tapped her on the shoulder,” and urged her to call a friend. Yet, regrettably she ignored “the tap,” and a few days later learned that her friend passed away. The point of her post was cautionary as she reminded us to pay attention to those “taps on the shoulder.”

As I pondered, her post I thought about all the times I have prayed to know what is mine to do. So often during this past year, I felt overwhelmed and worried about so many things out of my control. I wondered if I, too, had ignored those small tentative taps thinking there were grander gestures I could make. So instead of doing anything, I spun my wheels in worry and fear.

After reading her post I started to close my iPad, but remembered an article I read that filled me with concern. So many Tennesseans are suffering and our state’s leadership seems focused more on politics and the recent election than the needs of my fellow citizens. I thought as I often do, “I should write a letter.” I wondered in that moment if it was a tap on the shoulder. So I opened up my iPad again and emailed my thoughts to the Governor. While I know one letter is of little consequence, it felt good to voice my concerns for those who are struggling mightily in this pandemic.

As I closed my iPad and got up to begin my day, I saw the Amazon truck parked in front of our house. These stealthy delivery folks are hard to catch, but they provide a lifeline for us so I always try to thank them. Often I get a brief wave or just a nod of acknowledgment. Undaunted, I dashed out in my stocking feet to retrieve the packages and hopefully catch the driver. As I clutched the packages to my chest for warmth, I saw the young man heading back to his truck from our neighbor’s house. This time I hollered “thank you SO much for being our Santa’s helper this year!” The young man looked up, chuckled, and then flashed the most beatific smile. His smile lifted me as I dashed back into the warm house. To this day even the memory of our brief encounter brings me joy.

While there were chores that needed to be done, I spent the rest of the afternoon happily turning quilting scraps into ornaments for family and friends. It wasn’t a perfect day, but it was certainly one of my happier ones. Happier maybe because I was a bit more selfless. All my outsized worries stepped off-stage for a bit as I tended to the needs of others…writing the Governor, dashing outside to offer thanks to our deliveryman, and spending the afternoon making gifts.

I think all too often during this past year, I let my small self take an outsized role in my life. It fills my head with fretful possibilites that are far beyond my sphere of influence or expertise. I realize now that the din of worry can mute those “taps on the shoulder” and leave little room for anything else. As I head towards a very different Christmas, I wonder if this is my primary lesson of 2020. Pay attention and you will know what is yours to do.

In my faith tradition, we sing “oh come, oh come Emmanuel,” at Christmas time. What I often forget is that Emmanuel means, “God is with us.” The key word being “is,” not “was” or “will be.” God is with us, but it is often only in the quiet that we know His presence and can feel those taps on the shoulder. Taps that draw our attention away from our pain, discouragement, fears, and inadequacies. Taps that draw us to each other and wrap us in a love that knows no bounds.